Part six
INT – Potter's Bed & Breakfast – Day.
Joey is still lying on the bed when Pacey enters the room quietly. She hasn't moved. He walks hesitantly towards her, thinks about sitting on the bed beside her, but eventually ends up sitting in the window seat instead.
PACEY
Hey.
Joey doesn't respond. There is a long silence. Pacey is unsure what to do. He sits back, defeated. Joey's eyes settle on him.
JOEY
(in a small, scared voice)
Is he really okay?
PACEY
He's fine. He's watching Sesame Street.
JOEY
He loves Sesame Street.
PACEY
(with a small smile)
Yeah. Oscar the Grouch.
JOEY
(whispering)
Yeah.
There is another long silence during which Joey sits up slowly on the bed, turning to face Pacey.
PACEY
Joey…
JOEY
(cutting him off)
Are you going to leave me?
PACEY
(not expecting this, he is unsure what to say)
Do you want me to leave you?
Joey is silent.
PACEY
(quietly)
Do you want to go?
JOEY
Do you want me to go?
Pacey lets out a frustrated breath, his eyes downcast.
PACEY
I'm not sure what I want anymore.
JOEY
Me neither.
PACEY
All I know is I don't want to feel like this anymore.
JOEY
(even quieter)
Neither do I, Pacey.
(pause)
I nearly left last year.
(Pacey looks up at her)
Around Liam's birthday. I packed a bag and bought a bus ticket for DC.
(Pacey doesn't know what to say, so Joey continues)
I was so miserable and I knew you were too. I wasn't being a good wife or a good mother so I nearly ran. And it had nothing to do with Dawson Leery. He may always be part of my life after all that we've been through, but he was never the cause of our problems, Pacey. Not ever.
There is a long pause.
PACEY
So why didn't you leave?
JOEY
(with a small shrug)
I guess I was afraid… of what you'd think of me, of what I'd be doing to you and Liam. I knew I was being selfish and I would always hate myself if I went through with it.
Joey waits for some kind of response from Pacey after this admission. But when he doesn't even look at her, her face floods with disappointment. She is defeated.
JOEY
Did I make the right choice? Should I have left?
PACEY
I can't answer that for you.
JOEY
(close to tears)
Yes, you can, Pacey. You're the only one who can.
(beat)
You don't love me anymore, do you?
Pacey looks at her quickly, his eyes burning with intensity.
PACEY
Is that what you think?
(pause)
Joey, I have loved you my entire adult life. Nothing… nothing… will ever change that.
JOEY
(with tears in her eyes)
You told me that when you found out I was pregnant.
PACEY
I meant it.
JOEY
Then why don't you ever tell me now?
PACEY
(lowering his voice)
Because it might stop you leaving if you ever felt you had to go. I don't have to right to do that.
JOEY
Yes you do, Pacey!
PACEY
No, Joey, I really don't. I don't want you stay out of obligation. If you think you could be happy anywhere else…
JOEY
I wouldn't, don't you see that? I could never be happy because I wouldn't have you and Liam.
(fervently)
Pacey, I know I haven't been able to help you with Liam. I try, but…
PACEY
You wish we hadn't had him.
JOEY
What?
PACEY
(guiltily)
It was an accident, we didn't mean to get pregnant. I was the one who insisted… I never really gave you a choice.
JOEY
(shaking her head)
That's not true.
PACEY
Yes, it is.
JOEY
(insistently)
Pacey, listen to me, my difficulty with Liam has nothing to do with regret. We made the decision together… I always wanted to keep him. But I was young and naïve and I thought having a baby would be the easiest thing in the world because we loved each other. There I was thinking how mature I was, not even contemplating the reality of motherhood. I never thought it could be so hard…
The only regret I have, Pacey, is that I haven't tried harder to help him and love him and be there for him. I didn't try hard enough for you. I wish I could be strong like you…
Pacey snorts incredulously and stands up.
PACEY
You think that's why I quit my job to look after him? Because I'm strong? Joey, the only thing that keeps me going to all the support groups and therapy classes is the guilt… The guilt that I feel because some days I do regret that we decided to have him… Sometimes I wish we had made a different choice. I was just as young and naïve as you were, if not more so.
(he begins to choke up)
But if I had known what I do now, how it could ruin our relationship which I believed in with everything I am… my decision would have been different and it's eating me up inside.
Sometimes I look at my son and wish he'd never been born.
The admission is devastating for Pacey and he gulps for air as his chest tightens with emotion. He sits down on the window seat again, his head in his hands so he doesn't have to look at Joey. She is frozen in shock for a moment, her eyes wide. Slowly she kneels down in front of him and cradles his head in her hands. Pacey resists for a moment, his face crumpling in misery. Then he hugs her tightly, desperately, as he cries.
PACEY
I'm sorry… I'm sorry…
JOEY
(hugging him for all she is worth)
Shh…
Pacey and Joey continue to hold each other.
INT – Potter's Bed & Breakfast – Day. Later.
Joey is lying on the bed with Pacey in her arms, his head resting in the crook of her shoulder. She runs her hand through his hair absently. They are both tired, but relieved. There is a distinct feeling of peace surrounding them.
PACEY
We were supposed to meet everyone for lunch.
JOEY
I think they'll forgive our absence.
PACEY
We should have told them before now.
JOEY
Yeah. They're worried about us… we should probably tell them everything.
PACEY
Including Dawson.
JOEY
(quieter)
Yeah.
They are both thinking about last night. Joey's hand stops moving through Pacey's hair as a long silence ensues.
PACEY
Why did you kiss him last night?
JOEY
(she takes a deep breath)
Because I missed you. I missed kissing you and…
PACEY
(lightly)
Dawson was the next best thing?
JOEY
(she frowns, unsure if he is joking)
I was wishing it was you.
Pacey sits up slightly, resting on his elbow, so he can look into her eyes.
PACEY
I guess it's been a while since we've done that.
JOEY
A long while.
A charged moment follows. Pacey stares at her mouth and Joey waits for him to kiss her. But after a few seconds he still hasn't.
PACEY
Talking about it kinda ruins the spontaneity of the moment, doesn’t it?
JOEY
We're an old married couple… we're beyond spontaneity, remember?
PACEY
(with a small smile)
How could I forget?
Pacey's face becomes serious. He brushes the hair away from Joey's face, studying her intently. The anticipation makes her shiver. Finally Pacey leans down and kisses her gently. He pauses briefly, hovering above her mouth, before kisses her again, deeper and more passionate this time. Joey's hand runs through his hair and she pulls him gently on top of her without pausing for breath.
Pacey pulls away, breathless.
PACEY
Liam's downstairs.
JOEY
Where's Bessie?
PACEY
Downstairs.
JOEY
He's watching Sesame Street.
PACEY
(murmuring)
Oscar the Grouch.
Pacey kisses her again.
INT – Potter's Bed & Breakfast – Night.
Joey stands in the doorway of Liam's bedroom and smiles and she watches Pacey reading him a story. Liam doesn't watch Pacey or indicate that he is listening, but the expression on his face reveals he is concentrating on something… the sound of his father's voice.
Joey watches them a moment longer. Pacey glances up and smiles at her, without pausing the story.
JOEY
(whispering)
I won't be long.
Pacey nods in understanding and looks back down at the book.
PACEY
(in his story-telling voice)
"Then at last Peter realized that it was up to him. He drew his sword and raised it to the salute and hastily saying to the others 'Come on. Pull yourselves together.' He advanced to the Lion and said, 'We have come, Aslan.'…"
Joey leaves quietly.
INT – Capeside Marina Hotel – Night.
Dawson's hotel room. He opens the door and is surprised to see Joey.
DAWSON
Hi.
JOEY
Hi.
DAWSON
Come in.
JOEY
Thanks.
She enters but stands awkwardly by the door.
DAWSON
Joey…
JOEY
(not letting him finish)
You're leaving early in the morning so I wanted to stop by.
DAWSON
(worried)
Is everything all right?
JOEY
Everything is… better than it was. We've got a lot to sort out but we both want to. We've decided to try therapy again and I'm going to join a support group for mothers of autistic children.
DAWSON
That's great, Joey.
JOEY
(with relieved happiness)
Yeah, it is.
DAWSON
I'm glad for you… and Pacey.
JOEY
Thank you… Thank you for listening to me, Dawson. You helped a lot.
DAWSON
I don't know about that… I thought I made things worse.
JOEY
You didn't, trust me. We managed to do that on our own. But you did help us to face things we should have a long time ago.
(she looks down, embarrassed)
I'm sorry I kissed you like I did…
DAWSON
Don't, it's okay. I'd say it was my pleasure but somehow that isn't really appropriate.
Joey smiles.
DAWSON
Is Pacey at the B&B?
JOEY
He and Liam are reading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
DAWSON
Exploring Narnia, huh?
JOEY
Yeah…
(she pauses, growing serious)
I came to say goodbye, Dawson.
Dawson recognizes the deeper meaning in the word, just like his own farewell to Joey in Washington after Liam was born. His face falls slightly.
DAWSON
When are you going back to Miami?
JOEY
Tomorrow night.
DAWSON
Maybe I'll come and see you the next time I'm on the East Coast.
JOEY
Maybe we'll see you accepting the Academy Award after all.
DAWSON
I don't know… I think there's more merit in fiction over documentaries these days.
JOEY
(smiling)
They have awards for those too, you know. I remember you used to be quite the storyteller.
Dawson smiles back her. Joey walks to the door and opens it.
JOEY
(pausing)
Dawson, you were right about your girlfriend. She is supposed to love you for who you are, not what a successful film maker you are. You deserve someone you'll love you for being Dawson Leery.
DAWSON
(touched)
Thank you.
JOEY
And if they ever need a reference from your best friend, just let me know.
They share a smile. Joey kisses his cheek lightly before stepping away.
DAWSON
Take care of Pacey and Liam.
JOEY
I intend to.
Joey's content smile does not fade as she turns and walks away.
INT – Potter's Bed & Breakfast – Night.
Joey returns to Liam's room to find Pacey asleep in the armchair by Liam's bed, the book open in his lap. Liam is fast asleep too. Joey places a bookmark in the book and puts it on the bedside table. She tucks Liam's blankets around him gently, leaning down to kiss his forehead and cheek. She drapes a thin scarf over the bedside lamp and the room is bathed in a pale blue light. She crosses back to Pacey in the armchair and smiles. Joey curls up next to him on the chair, her legs draped over his lap, and nestles her head against his shoulder. She closes her eyes. The faint smile is still on her lips.
THE END
Note: Huge thanks to Kilby for her encouragement and beta reading skills! This would never have been finished otherwise.